Reflections from my random mind.

I made sure to add the random part to the title just in case I went on rabbit trails.

First let me state that I LOVE roller coasters! I have conquered my fear of them. Watching them is much more scary than actually riding them! I'm still new on the loops and twists part, but I will go on them as much as possible from now on.

My trip to Virginia two weekends ago was such a great learning experience for me. I loved jumping into a family with 9 kids! It brought back memories of my childhood and I have to admit....yes I actually miss those long carrides where we did nothing but yell and fight with eachother! I can't wait to visit again!!

Being able to interact with a few campers from this summer was also great! Yeah, I get to see the campers from my area, and who I go to church with, but what about the campers I may never get to see again? What impact did I have on them? Well...we have a much bigger impact than we think, let me tell you. I NEVER EVER EVER thought that me just being myself, sharing my life, and being there to give someone a hug when they needed one could do such a big thing!

It made me realize that I DO IMPACT EVERYONE I AM AROUND.

But how am I impacting them? Is it bringing them closer to God? Are they seeing Jesus living in me, or are they seeing selfishness and pride, greed? What fruits am I producing? hmm? Just something I've been thinking about since my return to "normal life".

Summer fun and roller coasters fright!

Well now internet friends, I again have failed at updating this thing! April! I can't believe it's been so long! So much has happened in my life and this summer that I don't even think I'll have time to write about it! :(

Today is the first day of my 3 day vacation! What is my vacation you might ask? Tomorrrow I will be praying to survive the day as I go to SixFlags for the first time, AND ride roller coasters for the FIRST TIME! I'm staying with the lovely family of one of my summer campers, who have graciously opened their house and are taking me to SixFlags(for free i might add)! I am ready for the new experience of roller coaster riding. I hope to make it without barfing my lunch or getting sick. :)

This summer, although one of the greatest of my life, has also been one of the hardest and most challenging. I've learned alot, the most outstanding is that when I am weak, He IS strong. I would not have made it this summer without God's strength running through my body. And no, I didn't feel energized or even wanting to be energized; so many times i just wanted to forget life and for get my problems and sleep for hours, but I knew I had to keep going...and i did, by His strength. I wouldn't take these past 8 weeks back for anything. They have been great. I hope the lessons I've learned are engraved in my head as well as my heart.

As I enter back into the 'normal' way of my schedule(which is NEVER too normal), I'm wondering what these next few months will be like, where God's taking me next. I'm wondering what exactly His plans might be and whether or not I'm being stubborn about surrender or if I'm willing to let Him do the leading?

Gotta love being out of high school. :)

Well, I must go to bed now, we're getting up early to make baked oatmeal! YUMMM!

God Bless. ♥

Come by my side, hold me in Your arms
Love me
steal me away, dance with me,
Love me
Come my beloved, come find me.

Do you hear my laughter?
My delight in you?
I love you!
I am jealous for you!
Look, can you see my smile?
Do you see the sparkle of love that dances in my eyes when I look at you?
Come find me...
I have created fields of flowers and forests of trees,
Come, my lover, enjoy these presents
Enjoy my presence
Come find me...

I want you
I wait for you
Come find me!

I am being ripped apart.

It was my choice, but alas, I didn’t realize how deep it would go.

I told God to take away everything hindering me from being closer to him.

Well lets just say it’s been painful. Very painful.

Isaiah 6:1-8 has been a life passage lately.

¹ In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. ² Above him were seraphs, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. ³ And they were calling to one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."

⁴ At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

⁵ "Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

⁶ Then one of the seraphs flew to me with a live coal in his hand, which he had taken with tongs from the altar. ⁷ With it he touched my mouth and said, "See, this has touched your lips; your guilt is taken away and your sin atoned for."

⁸ Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?"
And I said, "Here am I. Send me!"

This whole passage is certainly a favorite of mine. The picture he paints of the Throne Room of God is breathtaking to say the least. One day I will be there, singing right along with those creatures.

When Isaiah sees God’s glory and majesty he is wrecked. He was distraught! Undone. Get the idea? He realized just how unclean he was next to the awesomeness of God.

One of the seraphs flies over and touches his lips with a live coal. It wasn’t the nicest thing in the world – it was pain, burning, scorching, but cleansing and purifying. When the process is done Isaish readily replies to God’s call by saying “Here am I, send me!”

I am being refined. And it hurts.

God has pulled memories that I thought forgotten back into my mind to show me the roots of my fears.

I fear not being good enough. I fear failing God.

I’m still working through those.

God has stripped me down in the area of jobs, money, friends, relationships – anything and basically everything our culture tells us to grab a hold of and not let go.

God wants it.

He’s ripped out my ideas of religions tradition and showed me that he is the same God I read about in the Bible. He’s even been challenging me about my intentions for attending church.

I can say I AM living an Isaiah 6 lifestyle. I pray I’ll be able to answer the call with confidence.

It is Christmas time. People running crazy to pick up those last few gifts, the supermarkets packed with people getting everything from turkey to hot dogs for their Christmas dinners. The Salvation Army bells’ can be heard here and there. Every radio stations playing Christmas music nonstop. The greats like Bing Crosby’s ‘‘White Christmas’’ and Elvis’ “Blue Christmas” bellow from the stereo systems of countless vehicles. I smell the scent of pine as I pass by yet another person selling Christmas trees. Every house seems to have some sort of decoration to let the world know, it’s Christmas time.

My brothers, Jacob and Matthew are busily counting all the presents under our tree and arguing over what the odd shaped boxed might contain, and most defensively stating that they have the most presents. I watch with amusement from the couch while enjoying a mug of hot chocolate. I glance over to the fireplace and notice that there is an extra stocking hanging there. Thoughts race though my mind: “Are we having a surprise guest?” “Do I have another sibling I don’t know about?” “Maybe one of us has so many presents we get two stockings!” or “What if she decided Rascal, our dog, needs one?”

Puzzled I headed to the kitchen with my empty mug, where my mom was baking cookies. I knew she would have an answer. “Mom, why is there an extra stocking hung at the fireplace?” I asked. She put down her spoon and began, “That stocking is for Jesus.” I grabbed another cookie while she continued, “Every year we buy presents for our families, and friends, our co-workers and kids overseas. I wonder how many of those gifts are bought out of obligation. We give knowing that we’ll probably get a gift in return, or to ease our guilty conscious because we have so much while others are struggling to survive.
Baby Jesus was a gift to us, and the greatest gift of all time. He came, he grew up, experienced humanity, and then he died for us. He gave us much more than we can ever imagine, and he did it just because he loves us. He didn’t come because he felt obligated; he came because he cared for us. Jesus is a king. The wise men realized this and brought him gifts. He is still a king. Shouldn’t we be honoring him with gifts even now? What do you think He wants for Christmas? It is His birthday after all.”

I pondered that question the rest of the day. ‘What would Jesus like for Christmas?’ ‘What can I give him, just because I love him?’ As I crawled into bed, an idea popped into my head. I knew what to do!

“Wake up sleepyhead! It’s Christmas!” my brothers’ yelled as they jumped on my bed. “Come on! Lets open presents!!” Presents! I remembered what I was going to do. “Ok, ok I’ll be down in a minute,” I said as I hurried them out of my room. I had work to do and it had to be fast! I raced around, grabbing things from all over my room and headed downstairs.

All of the presents were opened, wrapping paper was all over the floor and the dog was loving it. The boys were playing with the new toys they got, while dad was trying to figure out how to work the DVD player so he could watch his new movie. I looked over at mom and asked “What did you put in Jesus’ stocking?” She smiled and said, “Why don’t you open it and see?” I went over, pulled it off the mantle and opened it. There was a dollar bill inside. “A dollar?” “Yes, Anne,” she said. “I’m giving Jesus all my money, and with it all the worry that comes when finances are tight. Now, how about you, what are you giving Jesus on his birthday?”

I pulled out a pair of sunglasses. “Jesus can have my eyes. He can be my sunglasses to shield my eyes from things that are not of him.” Next came a slipper. “Jesus can have my feet. I will go wherever he takes me.”
Eyeshadow: Jesus can have whatever I’ve tried to make myself, whatever I’ve tried to hide behind. He can create my ‘new look’.
A cd: Jesus can have my song. May it always be pleasing to him.
A picture I took: He can have my talents. My art. I want it all to be for him.
My journal: He can have my hopes and my dreams.

Mommy and daddy sat there with tears in their eyes. “Well, you sure have taught me a lesson today.” My dad said. “I think I need to be a little more giving with even the small parts of my life. Thank you for helping me realize that.”
I smiled at them both and pulled one last item out of the stocking, a paper heart. “I give Jesus my heart. And with it my life. Everything I am, my whole living being. I give to Jesus on his birthday. I think that’s what he wants most.”
My parents sat there, speechless, tears rolling down their cheeks. Then suddenly I was engulfed in arms full of hugs. I heard my mommy whisper “I think you’re right, that’s what he wants most.”





What can you give Jesus this Christmas?


Merry Christmas Everyone!

12 Days of Christmas - the meaning behind the song.

The 12 Days of Christmas -- The Rest of the Story

When most people hear of "The 12 Days of Christmas", they think of the song. This song had its origins as a teaching tool to instruct young people in the meaning and content of the Christian faith.

Each of the items in the song represents something of religious significance. The hidden meaning of each gift was designed to help young Christians learn their faith. The song goes, "On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me..."

The "true love" represents God and the "me" who receives these presents is the Christian. Here you go:

The "partridge in a pear tree" was Jesus Christ who died on a tree as a gift from God.

The "two turtle doves" were the Old and New Testaments - another gift from God.

The "three French hens" were faith, hope and love - the three gifts of the Spirit that abide (I Corinthians 13).

The "four calling birds" were the four Gospels which sing the song of salvation through Jesus Christ.

The "five golden rings" were the first five books of the Bible also called the "Books of Moses".

The "six geese a-laying" were the six days of creation.

The "seven swans a swimming" were the "seven gifts of the Holy Spirit". (I Corinthians 12:8-11; Romans 12, Ephesians 4; I Peter 4:10-11).

The "eight maids a milking" were the eight beatitudes.

The "nine ladies dancing" were nine fruits of the Holy Spirit. (Galatians 5:22 & 23)

The "ten lords a-leaping" were the Ten Commandments.

The "eleven pipers piping" were the eleven faithful disciples.

The "twelve drummers drumming" were the twelve points of the Apostles' Creed.

So, the next time you hear "The 12 Days of Christmas", consider how this otherwise non-religious sounding song had its origins in the Christian faith.

Conversations

Here I sit, silent, thoughtful. Wondering what to do, where to go? Wondering why things haven’t turned out anywhere close to what I thought and the way I dreamed them.

As I sit in this sanctuary, I hear a voice: “What is troubling you my child?” It is my Father coming to join me. “Oh nothing, Father.” I replied, “I was just thinking.”

“Thinking about what?”

“Thinking about life and how things change. About where I am and where I was and where I want to be…Wondering why everything turned out to be so different than I thought it was going to be. Wondering why the things I had planned for my life never turned out?”

“Wow, you think a lot little one.” My father replied. “But don’t you know by now that My thoughts are not your thoughts and My ways are not your ways?”

“But Father!” I cried, “Why don’t you show me these things? Why make me go through the heartache, the emptiness, the brokenness? Won’t you show me my purpose?”

He chuckled and replied, “Child, wait. Slow down. Learn to rest in me. Learn to walk by my side – in my shadow. Don’t try to take on the world by yourself. Just be available to do the tasks I place before you. You perceive them as small and meaningless, but do them with me and they will turn into things bigger than you imagined. That, my child, is your purpose.”

I got up to leave, still uncertain of my path. With my hand in my Father’s, and my face turned to his. I know I’ll be OK, because He is with me everyday.

Summer Happenings

Life sure does fly. And with the entrance of the month of June 2009 to my family’s life, we seemed to be running at 100 mph. Little League season was in full swing, my graduation party and ceremony plans were in the making and the dance year was coming to an end which means recital time.

Where should I start? So much has happened, and so much has changed. My life has come to a milestone.

I guess I’ll start with dance.

Rehearsal and recital week happened to be the same week as Staff Orientation for Cove Valley Camp where I was a Sr. Counselor the week of July 5-10. I knew that I needed to keep myself rested, which I also knew would be hard due to the fact I was at camp. Actually it wasn’t that hard, I just paced myself and let everyone know I had dance so I wasn’t allowed to swim or run too much. Rehearsals went very well and actually by dress rehearsal night on Thursday, I wasn’t too worried or nervous about being on stage… Praise God! Debbie has a beautiful voice and we did very well as a team if I do say so myself.

June 19^th. The first night. The butterflies were screaming and flying through my stomach. Could it really be here already? I wasn’t sure what to think or how I would perform. Debbie and I spent the time right before my solo to pray that God would take us and move us. We did really well! I was so glad when it was over though, but actually I wasn’t nervous. I loved doing my solo, maybe even more than the Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy tap routine. Maybe because ‘Who am I’ was my own moment of worshiping God on stage. I got so many complements afterward, but I was so exhausted I could only say Thank You. I got home and went straight to sleep and slept through till lunch time Saturday when I basically got up, showered and left for JBHS again. I think I was more nervous Saturday that Friday, mainly because I knew my family and friends were all coming! The time came for my solo and both Debbie and I did an amazing job! God sure listens to prayer and I give him ALL THE GLORY for helping and enabling me to dance my heart out for him!

June 27 was the BIG day. GRADUATION day!! YAY! Yes, I can finally say I have made it through High School. I have so many memories from these past 4 years. Some good, some bad. I have many regrets and many times I wish i would have done something or said something else. There were times I wish I would have said "I love you" instead of staring and walking away and times I wish I would have just walked away. But all in all, it has been a learning experience. My biggest accomplishment, I think is that I can proudly say I have made it through High School without having one single boyfriend or been on one single date. How many teenagers can say that? I thank God, he has blessed me with the determination to achieve such. Now what? I'm taking a year off..going to find a job and save money. I do want to go to college, but haven't decided on the details though. I sorta feel as of late called to a college out in California, but God's will before mine. There is a lot of prayer that will need to be said before I decide on whether its where God wants me.

Last week was my week as a Sr. Counselor at Cove Valley Camp. I loved every single minute of it! My cabin of girls was the best there and the perfect girls for me. Again Thanks God! :) We were hilarious! I made alot of friends and learned many lessons too, like I need to keep myself more saturated in God's word to help my girls have a better understanding of it. I'm also learning about faithful prayer and God is using one of my friends as a object lesson. I love all the Staff up there this year and I can see how God brought us all together for a purpose. I can't wait to see all the things God has done in our lives over the summer.

So I just wanted to send you all an update. My internet is being really crappy or else I'd stick pictures up. I'm heading to Kentucky next week on a SWAP trip with my youth group. Once again...i'm excited to see how God uses us. I will try to give highlights of the week when I get back.

Fresh Anointing: Sarah Reeves

My best friend bought Sarah Reeves cd last week and kept telling me how amazing it was. I listened to it at her house and defiantly agree. The songs are exactly what I feel, what I want others to hunger for. I went and bought the cd. :)

Fresh Anointing - Sarah Reeves

Something's different
Something I can't explain
Can you feel it? Can you hear it?
The sound of heaven
in pouring on us like rain
Nothing is the same


Fresh anointing fall
Let if overflow
On every heart and soul
Holy Spirit come
Come and make us new
All we want is You, only You
You are all
Fresh anointing fall


Hands are lifted
We are singing Your name
Can you feel it? Can you hear it?
The song of freedom
Is spreading just like a flame
It can't be contained
Throw away the old
We are on our knees
Let the new unfold
God, we want to see Your fresh anointing fall!

Let go and Let God.

This past Saturday I had the privilege of attending my first ever dance competiton in Hancock MD. The dance I was in was in the Novice category so we weren't judged on the same caliber as the dance teams. I was so scared and nervous about dancing in front of people, not to mention judges who were watching every move my foot made. It's enough to drain every bit of energy out of you.

On my drive down, I spent time asking God to take away all my fear and the butterflies in my stomach and that he would help me relax while I was dancing. I got there and found out that Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy was dance # 30 out of 38. I had about 2 hours to wait. I quite enjoyed the whole experience of having dance make-up done and learning tips for when I'm in front of people like facial expressions are important while dancing. Don't look like you're concentrating and make sure you smile! :D As the time got closer, I started to get nervous. I wasn't the only one, 4 of the girls had also never been in a competiton and a couple were spazzing out because they were so nervous. Then the moment came...the music started and we went on stage. My mind went blank for the first 10 seconds of the dance, the part I've known the longest! I was in a panic then I just kinda relaxed and went with the flow of everything. It went by so fast! When I got off stage, some of the other dancers kept complementing me of how good of a job I did and that dancers usually don't get their facial expressions down in the first year of dancing. I said Thanks, but I was sorta bewildered, because I don't remember doing anything on stage.

Today I was thinking about letting go and letting God work. Letting go of our agendas and our plans and letting Him use us in things that aren't sceduled in our day. I guess that's what I did on the dance stage. I just let it all go and let Him move me. That's something I need to do everyday.

Let go and Let God.

As my recital nears closer and closer I'm trying to remember that when I step on that stage, to give everything over to God and let him dance with me. Because the only reason I am as good as I am for only dancing 8 months is because of God!

Dance Class
Victoria Utermoehlen

Anticipation flows
Muscles tense
The door opens
I Lace up my shoes
Step step step
Dance floor
Shuffle step shuffle step
Thoughts begin to fade
Riff heel riff heel
Worries disappear
Toe drops heel drops
My ankles start to hurt
Warm ups
Diggle: seven seven three three four ball-change
Rhythm
More begins to fade
Faces, thoughts, memories
Cramp roll cramp roll
Anger, sorrow, failures cease to be important
Drawbacks, Rollbacks, Wings,
The room starts to blur
Paradiddle, paradiddle, para-ballchange, paradiddle
Sound. Rhythm. Music.
Flap-heel, flap-heel slap
Things start to make sense
Rhythms form in my mind
I step beyond the sound
Into the music
Triplet, turn, kick, kick
STOMP
……
….
Focus